WHY?!

Hours after my last blog, it's all messed up again.

WHY, just why?

I actually don't know what to do now - or what to think.

Modern society is just a complete load of wank.

I guess I've been saying it for too long, but finally he's gone.

Well and truly done and dusted, and there's no going back now.

I'm not putting myself in that position again, where I'll just end up back at the beginning - no bloody way.

I'm surprised at myself in all honesty, I never thought I'd see this day. Maybe it just hasn't kicked in yet.

Oh well, that's life.

In 6 days I will finally be able to legally drink.

My passport photo is terrible, I look like some sort of terrorist.

FML.

Wow.

I only have 16 days left of being a yout.

After that I'll be legal to do pretty much everything.

This is a very weird thought.

I'll actually be able to get into places without worrying about not having i.d.

This is oh so strange.

I think in a way I might miss being 17. I'll no longer be able to complain about "being 17" and "my life is so shit" - because that will turn into "I'm too skint to go out".

In a way, I can't wait, but in another way it's weird - I'm growing up.

I know age is only a number, but I've never wanted a birthday to come so much - and now that it's finally nearly here, it's really really abnormal.

Although, if my passport doesn't come in time, then I may as well still be 17.

You're gonna save me from myself.

I hate the feeling that sits in the bottom of your stomach.

When you see things that you don't want to see.

When you know things that you don't want to know.

I wish I had no feelings at all, I wish it was simple to just erase anything out of your mind and un-attach yourself. However, it's not that simple and it's not easy either. Especially when you don't know where you stand. I half know where I stand, but there's one half that is like "woo I have hope" and the other half which is like "oh, just brilliant".

I wonder if boys feel like this too, I doubt it. I think there's a few that do care deep down but just don't show it on the surface.

Although, this one boy in particular is a prick. There is no way to sum him up apart from knowing that he's a lying, cheating scumbag. A scumbag who I just can't ignore. I wish I could.

I wish he understood that not every girl is there to be walked over. I wish him luck with the new one, purely because she barely knows him and does not know what she's letting herself in for. She'll get hurt, and I'll laugh because I've seen it coming. What makes things worse is that she's stunning. He needs to grow a pair and stop being such a whiney little twat.

This time next year I'll still be moaning about him. I've been moaning about him for years and nothing changes. I want this to end. Right now.

Har har.

I was in a very strange mood yesterday, however, that has now blown over and I'm fine.

Who careeeeees, life is all about making mistakes.

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

Do not trust anybody.

Trust them to a certain extent, but never put your heart into it.

That way you don't get disappointed when they let you down - and you know that at some point you'll be let down.

I never knew I could feel like this.

It's beyond weird.

I knew it was all lies, every single word.

It's turning me crazy.

I wish there was an easier way.

With time comes greater feelings, and with greater feelings comes love.

I never really understood how, but I think you know you love someone when you can say it.

It can take different periods of time, but that deep emotion of not wanting to let go; that's not lust, that's love.

Your heart racing when you hear their name, see their name, receive a call or text from them, see them, miss them - it's all love.

Even if you know it will never work out, there's always some sort of hope in your heart - hope that one day there might be a chance.

Love is a horrible emotion, full of the 7 deadly sins; one of them being jealousy.

Of course we can't help getting jealous, it's all part of who you are - but jealousy can lead to turning mad.

Love can turn you mad.

Boy meets girl.

Relationships are just a test.

They're a test of time and energy to finally find your soulmate.

Some people are lucky, they can find their soulmate straight away - whereas others are searching their whole life, jumping from guy to guy (or girl to girl) to find the person who they can connect with.

When first beginning a relationship, you get the happiness high - neither of you know each others secrets or bad habits, it's just the honeymoon period. When you finally begin to get to know them better, this is when you realise if you're going to be together forever.

In most cases, they don't last. Couple's break up every day, girls crying and relying on their best friends, boys getting over it by going to a club with the lads and pouncing on the nearest blonde in sight.
We all have different ways of getting over people, nobody said it was easy or that it would happen quickly - but each of us move on eventually.

This is why love hurts. Love hurts because it's a build up all of that happy emotion; if you're together for more than 6 months then you begin to base your life around them. When it's over you're left confused and empty because that space that they used to fill is now gone.

EXAMPLE EXAMPLE EXAMPLE

Example was fricken amazing.

Was right at the front, he sang Me and Mandy with me, as well as saying SHOW ME YOUR DIRTY FACE. I was so so so so happy.

I got enough pictures of him.

Apart from getting stranded in Waterloo, this was a great kickstart (geddit) to the summer ;)

Procrastination for the nation

Sometimes some things can just never be simple.

There's just no way that it'd be able to work out.

People always get involved in your business, shit stirring and messing up friendships/relationships.

Like I said, I'm not making an effort any more.

On another note, Example tomorrow.

EXAMPLE

2 days and I shall be raving it up at his gig in Guildford.

He's amazing.

Somehow or another, I WILL meet him.

His album is out soon. :)

Track 1: From Space (intro) (produced by The Fearless)
Track 2: Wont Go Quietly (produced by The Fearless)
Track 3: Watch The Sun Come Up (produced by The Fearless)
Track 4: Time Machine (produced by Calvin Harris)
Track 5: Something In The Water (produced by MJ Cole)
Track 6: Last Ones Standing (produced by Bjorn Yttling - Peter, Bjorn & John)
Track 7: Millionaires (produced by The Fearless)
Track 8: Two Lives (produced by Ishi / 2Stripes)
Track 9: Kickstarts (produced by Sub Focus)
Track 10: Sick Note (produced by Chase & Status)
Track 11: DirtyFace (produced by Bart BMore)
Track 12: Loud (produced by Don Diablo)
Track 13: Hooligans (produced by Don Diablo)
Track 14: Wont Believe The Fools (produced by Wire)

AHHHHH.

Ecstatic right now. Over the fucking moon.

:):):):)

Help. me.

In all honesty, I just don't know what to do.

For the past few years I've been wishing for this to happen.

Now that it's going to happen, I'm not sure I want it any more.

Then again, I want it so badly, but I know, I KNOW, it's not for the right reasons.

It'll end up like it was in the beginning.

I love the attention, the fact that we get to talk all of the time, but it doesn't feel right. It doesn't make me feel special, it makes me feel used.

How am I supposed to tell him all of this.